I’ve Been Single For 800 Days

And boy do I miss a couple of things…

Photo by The Paris Photographer on Unsplash

Humans need socialization, including the kind that leads toward physical romance and pleasure. I’m not immune, but — good gosh almighty — I’ve enjoyed my freedom these past 3 years.

Married at 23, married again at 33, and single again at 53, for twenty years, I enjoyed the comfort, security, and warmth of having a partner to plan, dream, and overeat with.

In an attempt to be transparent while keeping “all the girls I’ve loved before’s” privacy intact, From age 51 to 53 I fooled around with Match.com, Plenty of Fish, Tinder, Bumble, and OkCupid and went on dozens of dates. Several dates were a lot of fun — we enjoyed parks, restaurants, traveling, and romance; we got along pretty well.

The challenge. The moment we got to a certain point, a month or two in, it dawned on me. I wasn’t ready to commit to an exclusive relationship…and frankly…while some women said that’s exactly what they wanted, their actual behavior indicated otherwise.

With some, after dating exclusively for several weeks, it was clear we were both still searching, or at least looking, online at other men and women. Yet, at least the women I dated — who were in their forties and fifties — wanted to define “us” to the outside world as an exclusive, monogamous couple.

While enjoying sharing adventures with someone I was attracted to, I wasn’t interested in torturing myself into a mental space where half the relationship involved trying to define what we “are” in a mutually satisfying way.

I wanted to find someone who was willing to have what I call the “Seinfeld” of relationships — a relationship about nothing….meaning no pressure to do or be anything other than ourselves and take life one pleasurable experience at a time.

Oh, the naivete!

So….my final foray into the land of online swiping, mystery, romance, mind games, love, lust, and whimsy, was the decision to only date women who clearly stated they were only looking for a casual relationship with the “potential of developing into more.”

Yes. I was trying to create some kind of never experienced youthful sexual escapade…or at least not have to worry if I was saying, doing, or not doing…